


It's Okay, Buck

by Icarusdusoleil



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s slang, Gen, Heart to heart chats, One Shot, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1838425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icarusdusoleil/pseuds/Icarusdusoleil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Steve rescues the 107th from the Hydra base, Steve and Bucky have a heart-to-heart chat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay, Buck

Steve found Bucky leaning on a jeep outside the mess hall, his shoulders hunched and collar turned up against the cold. He was puffing almost desperately on the dregs of a cigarette. Steve frowned slightly and walked towards his friend.

                Bucky’s eyes were unfocused and he didn’t seem to hear Steve approach, even though his boots squelched through the mud from the earlier rain. Clouds blocked out the stars and moon, and the only light came from a few tents throughout the camp. It was late, but the soldiers were still celebrating the return of their buddies. Steve slipped away from the festivities to get a breath of fresh air when he noticed Bucky around the corner.

                “I didn’t know you smoked,” Steve said softly.

                Bucky jumped and looked at Steve in surprise, cigarette hanging from his lips. It took a moment, but recognition spread across his face and his posture relaxed. “Oh, Steve… hey,” He took one last pull and tossed the cigarette into the mud, then gave Steve a sheepish look, “Everybody smokes in the army, you know? It passes the time and… I don’t know…”

                Steve nodded slowly and leaned against the jeep next to Bucky. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and noticed that his friend was eyeing him. Bucky looked away and ran a hand through his hair, then idly squished the old cigarette into the mud with the tip of his boot.

                The silence between them wasn’t the comfortable silence that Steve was used to. Something had changed. There was a different energy. He opened his mouth to say something, but Bucky beat him to it. He must have felt the same way.

                “You know, it’s gonna take some time for me to get used to you like…” Bucky gestured to Steve’s body, “… this.”

                Steve gave a small smile, “Yeah, I know. It’s taken me a while to get used to it too. It’s different. That’s an understatement.” Bucky chuckled and Steve continued, “The thing that’s taken the most getting used to is the height. I hit my head on things all the time and I don’t have to reach as far to pick things up.”

                They laughed a bit, but fell silent quickly. Bucky coughed and hunched his shoulders more. He kept glancing at Steve, trying to think of something to say, only to close his mouth and look away quickly. Finally, Bucky spoke.

                “I used to hear about Captain America all the time. Like, sometimes we’d get the papers or we’d read about you in the letters from home. I’d see pictures of you and everything, but I never knew it was you,” Bucky looked at Steve and seemed to study his face. “You were just some ninety-day wonder and we all asked ‘who the fuck is this guy?’”

                Steve felt oddly guilty. Bucky rubbed a hand through his hair again and looked away. Steve knew that was a nervous habit—he’d seen Bucky do it many, many times. It was somewhat refreshing to see something that familiar from Bucky. His friend had changed… Steve didn’t know if it was because of the war or because of whatever Zola was doing to him. But Bucky seemed… off, somehow. Harder and darker, maybe. It was unnerving. Steve knew he wasn’t the only one who had changed.

                Bucky’s eyes had glazed over again and he contemplated the darkness, his mouth pulled into a tight frown. They could hear _whoomp whoomp_ from faraway artillery.

                “Buck, I—”

                “I almost ran away from the army.”

                Steve furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”

                “I almost ran away,” Bucky turned back to Steve. His eyes were dark and wide, “Almost, but I didn’t. You know what they don’t tell you when they give you the shiny uniform and the heavy gun and the boots that don’t fit? That you’re gonna be scared. You’re gonna be scared when the bullets are flying and your friends are dying and you’re using their bodies as shields. You’re gonna be scared when a mine goes off right next to you and you can’t hear anything or see straight for days. They just give you the equipment, say ‘Fight for America!’ and then throw you out into the crossfire.”

                Bucky was breathing hard and his breath turned to mist in the cold air. He shook his head slightly and Steve felt his mouth hang open. Bucky gazed at Steve and continued, “They gave us things to _inspire_ us, to try to keep us going. Captain America was one of those things. It sure worked for the glitterati, but not us.”

                He shook his head and pointed at Steve, “I decided not to run away because of _you._ Not Captain America, but the little scrappy kid from Brooklyn who didn’t know when to stop picking fights.”

                Steve gave a small smile and Bucky shrugged his shoulders then shoved his hands into his pockets. “And I knew that… I...” He spoke haltingly, trying to decide what to say, “If I ran away, I knew I’d probably never see you again. And the Hydra base was just—I’m glad it was you who found me.”

                Steve nodded silently and pulled Bucky into a tight hug. Bucky buried his face into Steve’s shoulder and let out a soft sob. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and wrapped his arms around Steve, his fingers digging into the back of Steve’s coat.

                “It’s okay, Buck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I used some slang from the 1940s. "Ninety-day wonder" is a commissioned officer in the armed forces during World War II who went through training in only three months or less. "Glitterati" are wealthy and/or famous people.


End file.
